PART 14:
She wrote it all down. Her childhood, her parents who loved her but never really knew her. The boarding schools, the men who’d pretended to care but only wanted access, the loneliness of being at the top of a company before she was 30, the fear that she’d never find someone who saw pass the money. 27 failed tests. 27 men who’d revealed themselves to be exactly what she was afraid of.
And then Ryan, different from the start, genuine, real. And she’d been so terrified of losing that realness that she’d built her entire relationship with him on a lie. She didn’t try to justify it, didn’t make excuses, just explained. On Friday evening, Victoria drove to Emma’s school. She got there early, parked in the lot, and sat in her car watching families arrive.
Parents and siblings and grandparents all bundled against the cold, excited to see their kids perform. Through the glass doors, she could see the gymnasium filling up. Christmas decorations everywhere, a stage set up with risers for the children to stand on. Victoria almost lost her nerve three times, almost started the car and drove away.
But then she thought about Emma’s face that day at Mirror Lake. The way she’d said, “I don’t care if you’re rich or poor. I just liked having you around.” Victoria grabbed the envelope she’d prepared and got out of the car. Inside, the school was chaos. Kids running around in costumes, teachers trying to wrangle them, parents taking pictures.
Victoria scanned the crowd looking for Ryan. She found him near the front of the gymnasium helping Emma fix her hair bow. He looked tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping. Emma was chattering about something, gesturing wildly, and Ryan was nodding, but Victoria could tell he wasn’t really listening. Then Emma saw her. The girl’s whole face lit up. Tori.
She started to run over, but Ryan caught her arm, said something Victoria couldn’t hear. Emma’s face fell. Victoria’s heart sank. He told her to stay away, but then Michelle appeared next to Ryan, leaned in, and said something. Ryan’s jaw tightened. He looked up and his eyes found Victoria across the crowded gymnasium.
For a long moment, they just stared at each other. Then Ryan said something to Emma and the girl broke free and ran straight to Victoria. You came. Emma threw her arms around Victoria’s waist. I didn’t think you were coming. Victoria hugged her back, trying not to cry. I wouldn’t miss your concert.
Are you staying after? Dad made cookies. They’re kind of burnt, but they’re still good. I don’t know if your dad wants me to stay. He does. He’s just being stubborn. Emma pulled back and looked up at her seriously. He misses you. He won’t say it, but I can tell. He makes sad eggs now. Sad eggs. His breakfast eggs. They’re sad.
They didn’t used to be sad. Despite everything, Victoria smiled. I miss him, too. And you? Then why did you leave? I didn’t want to, but I made a mistake and hurt your dad’s feelings. Sometimes when you hurt someone, you have to give them space to decide if they want to forgive you. A teacher called for all the performers to line up.
Emma squeezed Victoria’s hand once more and ran off to join her class. Victoria stood there awkwardly, clutching her envelope, not sure where to go or what to do. Ryan approached slowly. He looked uncomfortable, hands shoved in his pockets. “Hi,” Victoria said. “Hi.” Silence stretched between them around them. Families found seats.
Kids giggled. Teachers gave last minute instructions. “I didn’t think you’d come,” Ryan said. Finally, Michelle told me about the concert. I hope that’s okay. It’s okay. He glanced at the envelope in her hands. What’s that? Something I wrote for you. You don’t have to read it now or ever. Ever. But I wanted you to have it.
Ryan took the envelope. What is it? The truth. All of it. Everything I should have told you 3 months ago. Before Ryan could respond, the lights dimmed. Everyone hurried to find seats. Ryan hesitated, then gestured to two empty chairs near the middle. You can sit with us if you want. Victoria followed him to the seats. Michelle was already there holding a spot.
She gave Victoria a small nod that felt like permission. The concert started. Kids filed onto the stage, finding their spots on the risers. Emma stood in the second row, scanning the audience until she found them. When she saw Victoria sitting next to her dad, her smile got so big it probably hurt. The children sang, some on key, some enthusiastically offkey.
Parents recorded everything on phones. Teachers mouthed the words from the sidelines. Victoria barely heard any of it. She was hyper aware of Ryan sitting next to her. The few inches of space between them felt like miles. Halfway through the concert, Emma’s class performed their song, the same one Victoria had heard at the last concert.
Emma sang with her whole heart, gesturing dramatically at all the right moments. Ryan leaned over and whispered, “She’s been practicing that for weeks. She’s really good. She’s really loud, but we’re calling it good.” It was the first almost normal exchange they’d had since the diner. Victoria felt something loosen in her chest.
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