Part 17:
Ryan turned to face her fully. I was going to say that now I don’t have to face it alone. You just went full mama bear on Michelle and honestly it was kind of hot. Clara felt herself smile despite everything. Hot? Incredibly hot watching you defend my honor in your designer jeans and cashmere sweater. Yeah, I’m into it.
They watched the rest of the game in relative peace, though Clara could feel the weight of attention on them like a physical thing. Emma scored a goal in the final minutes and Clara found herself on her feet shouting along with Ryan. not caring how she looked or what people thought. This was her life now. Messy and public and completely worth it.
After the game, Emma was riding high on victory, chattering non-stop about her goal and how Olivia had blocked three shots, and how next week they were playing the Wildcats, who were undefeated, but Emma thought their team could take them. They stopped for celebratory ice cream, a different shop this time, one where the teenager behind the counter had no idea who Clara was and didn’t care.
Can we go to the library now? Emma asked around a mouthful of mint chocolate chip. I want to get more books about Mars and maybe some chapter books. Mrs. Patterson says I’m reading at a fourth grade level. Of course we can, Ryan said. Clara, you still up for this? I know it’s probably not how you usually spend your Saturdays.
Clara thought about her usual Saturdays, working in her empty penthouse, maybe attending a charity function where she knew no one and cared about nothing. This is exactly how I want to spend my Saturday. The library was a beautiful old Carnegie building with high ceilings and the particular smell of books that made Clara nostalgic for something she’d never quite had.
Emma led them straight to the children’s section like she owned the place, which according to Ryan, she basically did. “We’re here at least once a week,” Ryan explained, settling into a chair while Emma disappeared between the stacks. “It’s free entertainment and educational. Can’t beat that combination.
Clara wandered through the children’s section, pulling books at random, reading back covers. She found herself in the young adult section when her phone buzzed. Her mother again. Clara sighed and answered. Mother. Clara. Her mother’s voice was ice. What on earth were you thinking with that post? The board has been calling me all morning. The investors are concerned.
You’re making yourself and by extension the company a laughingstock. I’m dating someone. That’s not a laughingtock. That’s called having a personal life. You’re dating maintenance. Clara maintenance. Do you understand how that looks? What people are saying? Clara felt her temper spike. What people are saying is that I’m finally acting like a human being instead of a robot.
And you know what? They’re right. I spent 32 years being exactly what you wanted. cold, focused, successful by every external measure. And I was miserable. Ryan makes me happy. Emma makes me happy. Sitting in a library on a Saturday makes me happy. I’m sorry if that’s embarrassing for you, but I’m not sorry for doing it. Don’t be naive.
This man, he’s using you. Can’t you see that? He sees dollar signs, not a person. And when you finally wake up and realize it, the damage to your reputation will be irreversible. Clara looked across the library and saw Ryan helping Emma reach a book on a high shelf. His patience and gentleness so evident in every gesture. You’re wrong. You’re wrong about him.
And you’re wrong about what makes life worth living. I have to go. Clara, don’t you dare hang up on Clara ended the call and turned off her phone entirely. When she returned to the children’s section, Emma had accumulated a stack of books taller than her head and was trying to narrow it down to the libraryies limit of 10. This is so hard, Emma moaned.
They’re all good. How do I choose? What if we check out 10 this week and come back for the others next week? Clara suggested. Emma’s face lit up. Really? You’ll come back next week, too? If you’ll have me. Obviously, we’ll have you right, Daddy. Ryan smiled at Clara over Emma’s head. And in that smile, Clara saw her future.
Not the perfect controlled future she’d always imagined, but something messier and more beautiful. Library trips and soccer games, and defending the people she loved from small-minded gossip. They checked out Emma’s books and walked back to the car, Emma skipping between them, holding both their hands. It felt natural and right.
And Clara found herself thinking about the photograph on Emma’s nightstand. Ryan and Sarah and baby Emma, a family unit complete and happy before tragedy struck. “Can I ask you something?” Clare said to Ryan while Emma was buckling herself into her booster seat. “Always. Do you think Sarah would approve of me? I mean, of us?” Ryan was quiet for a moment, considering the question seriously.
Sarah believed that love was something you chose every day, that you showed up for people even when it was hard, that being present was more important than being perfect. He looked at Clara. She would have liked you a lot. And she would have been happy that Emma has someone else in her life who treats her like she’s extraordinary.
