PART 9:

And if I can’t live with the rest of it, if I can’t turn a blind eye to the illegal things, Marcus shrugged. then you’ll have to decide what matters more, the principal or the man. No one can make that choice for you.” He left me alone with that thought, and I wandered back to Christian’s bedroom, Marcus’s words echoing in my head.

What mattered more, my principles or Christian? But that wasn’t really the question, was it? The question was whether I could love him and still be true to myself. whether I could exist in his world without losing who I was. I took a long bath in Christian’s massive tub, trying to sort through my tangled thoughts. The hot water helped my sore muscles, but did nothing for the confusion in my head. I wanted Christian.

I wanted last night to be real. Wanted his promises of always to mean something, but I also wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror. wanted to know I hadn’t compromised everything I believed in for a man, no matter how much I cared about him. When I finally got out, I found Christian standing in the bedroom doorway, watching me with an intensity that made my breath catch.

He looked tired, stressed, and absolutely furious about something. But when his eyes landed on me, wrapped in a towel, all of that melted away. You’re still here, he said, and the relief in his voice was palpable. You keep saying that like you expect me to disappear. I keep expecting to wake up and find out last night was a dream.

He crossed the room in long strides, pulled me against him despite my damp skin and his expensive suit. A really good dream that I don’t deserve to have come true. I pulled back enough to look at his face. What happened at the warehouse? his expression shuddered. Nothing you need to worry about, Christian.

I put my hand on his chest, felt his heart racing beneath my palm. If we’re going to do this, if we’re going to be together, you can’t shut me out of parts of your life. I don’t need all the details, but I need honesty. He studied my face for a long moment, then sighed. One of my suppliers tried to cheat me. thought he could skim product and I wouldn’t notice.

I had to make an example of him. What kind of example? My voice came out steadier than I felt. The kind that ensures no one else tries the same thing. He cupped my face, his touch gentle despite the violence in his words. This is my world, Olivia. This is what I do. I can’t change that. I won’t apologize for protecting what’s mine.

I’m not asking you to apologize, I said quietly. But I need to know what I’m getting into. I need to understand the full picture. Christian nodded slowly. Okay, you want honesty? Here it is. I run one of the largest organized crime operations on the East Coast. I deal in things that are illegal.

I hurt people when they threaten me or mine. I’ve killed men who tried to destroy what I’ve built. I’ve done things that would send me to prison for life if anyone could prove them. He watched my face carefully, gauging my reaction. I’m not a good man, Olivia. I’m not even a particularly decent one. I operate by a different code.

Follow different rules. The only absolute in my life is loyalty. You’re loyal to me. I’ll protect you with everything I have. You betray me. He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to. And where do I fit into all of this? I asked. If I’m with you, am I complicit? Am I part of your organization now? No. His answer was immediate and firm.

You’re mine, but you’re not part of the business. I’ll never ask you to do anything illegal. Never put you in a position where you could be prosecuted. What I do, I do. What we have together, that’s separate. But it’s not separate, is it? I stepped back, needing distance to think. Because loving you means accepting what you do.

Looking the other way when you hurt people. Knowing that the money you spend on me comes from illegal activities. Is that what you’re doing? His voice was carefully neutral. Loving me. I met his eyes, saw the vulnerability there beneath the control. This terrifying, powerful man was standing in front of me, waiting for me to decide his fate.

Our fate? Yes, I said simply. I love you, Christian. I think I’ve loved you for a long time, and that’s what makes this so hard because I don’t know if love is enough to bridge the gap between your world and mine. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again I saw moisture there. You love me, he repeated like he was testing the words.

Even knowing everything you know about me. Even knowing, I confirmed. But Christian, I need you to understand something too. I can’t be part of the violence. I can’t know the details of things that could hurt people. I can love you and still be me, but only if you let me maintain that separation. Done, he said immediately.

You want to be kept separate from the business? I’ll keep you separate. You don’t want to know the details. I won’t share them. Whatever you need, Olivia, it’s yours. And if I need you to consider going legitimate, slowly transitioning out of the illegal side of things. His jaw clenched. That’s more complicated. But possible, I pressed.

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