She’s nice and she’s funny and she doesn’t treat me like a baby. Adrian smiled despite himself. Yeah. She is pretty great, isn’t she? Do you love her? The question hit Adrian like a punch to the chest. He looked down at his son, at those earnest eyes waiting for an answer, and he knew he couldn’t lie. Yeah, he said quietly.
I think I do. Then you should tell her. It’s not that simple, bud. Why not? Because sometimes people don’t feel the same way. And if I tell her and she doesn’t feel the same, it could make things weird between us. Eli frowned. But what if she does feel the same and you don’t tell her? Then you’re both just sad and alone.
Adrian stared at his son, floored by the simple wisdom of it. When did you get so smart? I’ve always been smart. You just don’t listen. Adrian laughed and pulled Eli into a hug. You’re right. I should tell her. Good. Can I stay up late tonight? Nice try. Bed, now. Eli groaned but climbed off Adrian’s lap and headed toward his room.
At the doorway, he turned back. Dad? Yeah? I hope it works, the baby thing. I think it would be cool to have a little brother or sister. Adrian’s throat tightened. Me, too, kid. The next month, everything changed. It started with Vivian calling Adrian at work, her voice shaking. I’m late.
Adrian nearly dropped the wrench he was holding. What? My period. I’m 5 days late. His heart started pounding. Have you taken a test? Not yet. I’m too scared. Okay, okay. Do you want me to come over? No, I I need to do this alone. But I wanted you to know. Vivian, whatever it says, we’re okay. You know that, right? There was a long pause, then Yeah.
I know. She hung up and Adrian spent the rest of the day in a state of barely controlled panic. He messed up two repairs, forgot to charge a customer, and nearly rear-ended someone at a stoplight because he was too distracted to notice it had turned red. By the time he got home, his phone had three missed calls from Vivian.
He called her back immediately. Hey, are you It’s positive. Her voice was barely a whisper. Adrian, it’s positive. The world tilted. Are you sure? I took three tests. They’re all positive. Adrian sat down heavily on the couch, his legs suddenly unable to hold him. We’re having a baby. We’re having a baby. Vivian laughed and it was the sound of disbelief and joy and terror all at once.
Can’t believe it. I can’t Adrian, what if something goes wrong? Nothing’s going to go wrong. You don’t know that. You’re right, I don’t. But we’re going to take this one day at a time and we’re going to get through it together. Can you come over? I know it’s late, but I don’t want to be alone. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.
He grabbed his keys, told Eli to stay put, and locked the door and drove across the street like a man fleeing a fire. Vivian opened the door before he could knock and the moment he saw her face, tear-streaked and radiant and terrified, he pulled her into his arms. She clung to him, shaking, and he held her until the trembling stopped.
I’m so scared, she whispered against his chest. I know. Me, too. What if I lose this one, too? You won’t. You can’t promise that. No. But I can promise I’ll be here. No matter what happens. She pulled back and looked up at him and her eyes searched his face like she was trying to memorize it. Why are you doing this? Really? Because I care about you.
Because I want this to work. Because He stopped. The words catching in his throat. Because what? He took a breath. Eli’s voice echoed in his head. You should tell her. Because I love you. Adrian said. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t planning on it. But I do. I love you, Vivian. Her expression shifted, surprise, then something else he couldn’t read.
Adrian, you don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know. No, it’s not. She shook her head and tears spilled down her cheeks. I love you, too. I’ve been trying not to because I was so scared of complicating this, but I can’t help it. I love you. Adrian kissed her then and it wasn’t like the other times.
It wasn’t careful or tentative or driven by the goal of creating a child. It was raw and desperate and full of all the things they’d been holding back. When they finally broke apart, both of them were crying. What do we do now? Vivian asked. I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. Together? Together. They spent the rest of the night talking, planning, dreaming out loud about the future.
Vivian made an appointment with her doctor for the following week. Adrian started researching cribs and car seats and all the things he’d forgotten from when Eli was a baby. And for the first time in months, the fear gave way to something that felt dangerously close to happiness. But happiness, Adrian had learned, was a fragile thing.
The first ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy. Vivian was 6 weeks along and the baby’s heartbeat was strong and steady. Adrian sat beside her in the exam room, holding her hand, staring at the grainy image on the screen and trying to process the fact that this was real. Everything looks good, the doctor said, smiling. But I want to see you back in 2 weeks for a follow-up.
